Sarah Albee on Voice

Sarah Albee discussed adding voice to your writing in today’s Teachers Write lesson.  After playing with words and following her suggestions, I crafted a revised version of a line I wrote during WOW Nonficpic week:

Here’s my original boring line-

a quick write from my WOW nonficpic:

A person running their shoes through the plush pile of 12-16 inches of the red critters-photo opportunities abound.

Ha!  I reread it, and it is a rough draft! Yuck!

Anyway, here’s my rewrite, using Sarah’s guidance:

The audience is drawn to the red carpet in California, anticipating a glimpse of the celebrity of the day shining in the spotlight. The Red Tuna Crabs, having surfed the warm ocean waters, cascaded to their death along the shoreline of Huntington Beach. Thousands of dead corpses bask in the sunlight forming a red carpet of crustaceans. Paparazzi flock to this red carpet to catch a whiff of the hot, smelly star of the day.

Thank you, Sarah, for being a beacon in my writing journey today!

Note on my process today:

I began with a quick warm up technique from a book titled  Image Grammar (I think, I don’t have the book with me right now to verify my remembering…).  It’s helped me find stronger verbs before.   After identifying an occupation, (construction worker, nurse, chef…) I brainstormed a list of verbs that may be used in that job.  This helps my brain discover new vocabulary.  For example, the list for nurse might look like: poke, pierce, bandage, compress.

For construction worker- pile, excavate, construct, bulldoze, smooth,  etc.

Then, I jumped to sailor- hover, surf, swab, tack, tie, navigate, etc.

It’s just a starting point, a quick warm up, to get me working.

I will verify the Image Grammar note, and update later when I can get my hands on the book.